like a Squall

reference to final fantasy 8 yes.

Squall ; typhoon; turbulence, chaoticness.

consist of his attributes,

only the negative one.

never the good one, never same with his last name. Leonhart.

no, far from that, i am.

he changed as time passes. as he matures.

but still, deep inside, he still owns the negative, pessimistic part of him.

because afterall, he's still a Squall. The Squall.

disappointment

but i'm not sure to whom it is directed.

is it on you, or is it on me?

maybe it's a mixture of both.

disappointed with myself for being like this, caring too much

disappointed with you because..?

:)

な、本当に油断せずに行こう。ぜったいに。

見せてもらうぜ

in a slump. trying to rise up again :I

laughing

at one's misfortune is outright despicable. try to put your foot in that person's shoe. be sensible, think about other people's feeling. please. cuba fikir sikit, kalau kau ke, family kau ke, kat tempat dia? tak kelakar kan. haa. takmo la camtu. tak elok.

renung-renungkan, dan selamat beramal.

self reminder for you too

r-r-r-result

now i've entered university for.. 4 months, and i've just finished my first exam 2 weeks ago. at first all of us thought that we will get our result on friday, but it turned out that the lecturers only discussed the questions and answers of our exam papers, without telling us the result. i was so nervous and jittery at that time ; since  i really had thought that the result would be announced/posted after the discussion, but that was not the case apparently. after realizing my mistakes and errors that i've made in the exam, and knowing the fact that we wont get our result at that time, i have lost all the energy to be nervous and expectant. i've stopped anticipating, because i had put high hopes that we'll get our result by that particular day.

and so... when madam vindhya announced that we'll get our result on today's afternoon, i was like.. "oh okay, result." truth to be told,  i was not excited or anticipating it, since all my energy to do so had dissipated and vanished into thin air due to the previous incident. my hopes got crushed before wew. i'm such a pessimist. =="

but still dadaddidadadada in the end we all got our result. i was really... shocked i guess. i did not see this coming, because the study week was disastrous and chaotic i could not put it into words. my daily schedule, health, and sleeping time went haywire ||orz

alhamdulillah, thank you Allah, thank you..  :')

it's not that good nor that bad, but I'm really grateful that I had passed and hopefully I can do and work harder so that I can improve and refine myself to be better.

the results were given out by mentors assigned for each of us students, and they're really helpful and caring towards us. they expect you not to just pass, but to strive and get the best mark o__o
they dont mind if we reach out to them for any reference or problems~ which is very good and helpful :D

i'll work harder, hopefully :O

and please excuse the sloppy and bad usage of english, my english had deteriorated and crumbled to pieces T___T

みんなーさん、いっしょに　がんばりしょう、ね？三(　ﾟ∀ﾟ)ﾌ！

SERIOUSLY TORN

again, selfish part of me wants to fail, and ambitious part of me wants to succeed and strive.

I keep going back and forth between these two, one moment I've become so pumped up and think I could go through all the hardships and challenges, and at another moment, when  I read disheartening tidbits and info- I just want to pull away..

I know I keep ranting bout this thing for what, 3 times already? But I really can't keep those thoughts outta my head. =/

I'm tired.